Are You an Enabler or Encourager?
"Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up." (I Thess. 5:11 NIV)
Friend To Friend
I have a friend who was known to constantly complain. She whined about her job, moaned about her husband and children, was bitter about the way her parents raised her, and was unhappy with life in general. Seemingly unable, or unwilling to stop the defeatism and negativity that surround her, her life was miserable. I would listen, murmuring platitudes, and sighing with her over her difficult life. This scenario played itself out over and over, week after week, month after month.
Then one day, God touched my heart and showed me this was not the way to reach her, to help her. I was enabling her negative behavior by just listening and nodding, and not encouraging the positive perspective she so desperately needed. Jeremiah 29:11 teaches us that we have a "hope and future". I was not reminding her of that. I realized that my behavior and attitude had to change in order for me to be Christ's hands and feet. I looked to God, and through the Holy Spirit and the Word, I was then able to minister to her more appropriately.
When this lovely young mom started speaking in a negative manner again, I knew what to say and could direct the conversation to a positive outlook. I would tell her, "Stop! Let's turn our focus to positive aspects in your life, and to how you can deal with the negative ones."
She is doing so much better now. Once I confronted the negative behavior and turned to God for His guidance and wisdom, He was able to help her. It is so wonderful to see her smiling now, and when she falters, she catches herself, and says "Oops! There I go again. Sorry."
Let's Pray
Dear Lord, touch me with Your Spirit, and speak through my voice. Let me touch and uplift others through my hands and my heart. Let me be guided by You, that I may better guide others.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Please consider memorizing this verse: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).
More From The Girlfriends
Through this 'shepherding' role of being a listening friend, I learned so much about the difference in enabling and encouraging. We have to be aware all the time that Satan just loves it when he can get God's children confused as to how to they are to serve, and what they are to do when confronted with negative, defeated attitudes.
Begin in your own life. Identify and eliminate the footholds of negative thinking and speaking. Ask others to hold you accountable and to help you see when you are sliding into that old, destructive habit.
When I read this I imediately saw myself in it, I have one such friend that always sees the bad side of everything, sometime when I get off the phone with them I feel hopeless and depressed. It really takes a lot out of you to befriend such a person. Mose times I try to encourage them. But I realize this person don't want to be encouraged,for every encouraging word, they had a reason not to believe it, they were very happy in that fog of life. I am one that has fought depression that came from my blood line, I can not, will not allow anyone to take me back there with their foolishness, it wasn't easy and it lead me to an addiction. I love this person very much, but if a person don't want to be encouraged what can you do for them. I remember early in my addiction how I didn't want to be helped.But thank God for giving my family the knowledge of tough love. And to know when they could not help without bringing themself out of the peace of God. I don't want to sound uncaring but get over yourself, if you have issues deal with them go get the help you need. But in no way can you say "I know God and Believe in Him" and not be hopeful. If it's a medical problem or an inbalance thats something diffrent. But just because we have had some bad experiences don't stop in that dysfuction and set up your tent. And if you really want to be left alone then be alone and stop calling people with the doom and gloom. Come out of yourself and look at or help others, that really have a reason to be depressed but choose not to. Your feeling and issues are valied, but seek a solution in the love and power of God, He cares for you.
This in no way was written to anger or upset anyone, I needed to say this for myself. If you read something you can use, use it, if not let it fly.
Blessing
Friend To Friend
I have a friend who was known to constantly complain. She whined about her job, moaned about her husband and children, was bitter about the way her parents raised her, and was unhappy with life in general. Seemingly unable, or unwilling to stop the defeatism and negativity that surround her, her life was miserable. I would listen, murmuring platitudes, and sighing with her over her difficult life. This scenario played itself out over and over, week after week, month after month.
Then one day, God touched my heart and showed me this was not the way to reach her, to help her. I was enabling her negative behavior by just listening and nodding, and not encouraging the positive perspective she so desperately needed. Jeremiah 29:11 teaches us that we have a "hope and future". I was not reminding her of that. I realized that my behavior and attitude had to change in order for me to be Christ's hands and feet. I looked to God, and through the Holy Spirit and the Word, I was then able to minister to her more appropriately.
When this lovely young mom started speaking in a negative manner again, I knew what to say and could direct the conversation to a positive outlook. I would tell her, "Stop! Let's turn our focus to positive aspects in your life, and to how you can deal with the negative ones."
She is doing so much better now. Once I confronted the negative behavior and turned to God for His guidance and wisdom, He was able to help her. It is so wonderful to see her smiling now, and when she falters, she catches herself, and says "Oops! There I go again. Sorry."
Let's Pray
Dear Lord, touch me with Your Spirit, and speak through my voice. Let me touch and uplift others through my hands and my heart. Let me be guided by You, that I may better guide others.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
Now It's Your Turn
Please consider memorizing this verse: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29 NIV).
More From The Girlfriends
Through this 'shepherding' role of being a listening friend, I learned so much about the difference in enabling and encouraging. We have to be aware all the time that Satan just loves it when he can get God's children confused as to how to they are to serve, and what they are to do when confronted with negative, defeated attitudes.
Begin in your own life. Identify and eliminate the footholds of negative thinking and speaking. Ask others to hold you accountable and to help you see when you are sliding into that old, destructive habit.
When I read this I imediately saw myself in it, I have one such friend that always sees the bad side of everything, sometime when I get off the phone with them I feel hopeless and depressed. It really takes a lot out of you to befriend such a person. Mose times I try to encourage them. But I realize this person don't want to be encouraged,for every encouraging word, they had a reason not to believe it, they were very happy in that fog of life. I am one that has fought depression that came from my blood line, I can not, will not allow anyone to take me back there with their foolishness, it wasn't easy and it lead me to an addiction. I love this person very much, but if a person don't want to be encouraged what can you do for them. I remember early in my addiction how I didn't want to be helped.But thank God for giving my family the knowledge of tough love. And to know when they could not help without bringing themself out of the peace of God. I don't want to sound uncaring but get over yourself, if you have issues deal with them go get the help you need. But in no way can you say "I know God and Believe in Him" and not be hopeful. If it's a medical problem or an inbalance thats something diffrent. But just because we have had some bad experiences don't stop in that dysfuction and set up your tent. And if you really want to be left alone then be alone and stop calling people with the doom and gloom. Come out of yourself and look at or help others, that really have a reason to be depressed but choose not to. Your feeling and issues are valied, but seek a solution in the love and power of God, He cares for you.
This in no way was written to anger or upset anyone, I needed to say this for myself. If you read something you can use, use it, if not let it fly.
Blessing
Comments